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cathy


Shattered

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I have been telling you for weeks that my brother has been suicidal. He also has epilepsy. My parents and sister and I have been trying to help him to save his life. We went last week to see him and were hoping that he could come for awhile to stay with us; to relax, to heal, to smile and laugh, to have fun. We were uplifted by his spirit and had hoped to bring him home. He very much wanted to come; in fact, he had asked for it. Circumstances did not allow it to happen. He needed more meetings with physicians and his medication was being altered. But the worst thing that has happened is that his wife has messed with his very fragile head. She has obessive compulsive personality disorder, although neither he nor she is aware of this fact. He spoke to me today and said to back off. Two weeks ago he was crying for our help, and now he wants us to abandon him. His wife has turned into a raging lunatic towards us. For the simple matter of trying to love and care for him too much, I suppose.

I have done everything. But when someone asks you to do nothing, even if they are not capabale of independent thinking, you respect what they are asking for. Right?...God help him, for I don't know what else to do.

  1. Blogger Trundling Grunt said:

    No, I don't know what you can do and can feel your pain. To do nothing may be the best thing, but it must tear you apart. Is she receiving any treatment for her condition at all?

    Again, good luck to you in all of this.

  1. Blogger sophie said:

    Sometime's an intervention is
    needed.
    I had to do it in my family.
    I will e-mail you ok?

    hugs:)

  1. Blogger sophie said:

    i don't see an e-mail -
    so if you like -
    e-mail me:)

  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    Trundling;
    It is tearing both my sister and I apart. It is the worst thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. She is receiving no treatment at all; she does not even acknowledge that she has a problem. My brother spoke very openly about her with us last week; telling us about all her issues, and now he is right back to defending her again. His words even sound like her.

    Sophie;
    My e-mail is not posted; neither is yours!...I posted a comment on your blog.

  1. Blogger sophie said:

    persistingstars2@yahoo.ca

  1. Blogger Connie and Rob said:

    Dear Cathy,
    I am so very sorry for the pain you are feeling. I wish I was there to give you a hug. Maybe Sophie can help you. I will keep my prayers going.

    Please take care of yourself.
    Connie

  1. Blogger Chloe said:

    can't the doctors do anything about it? don't they see the effect she has on him? can't they order her to stay away for a while?

  1. Blogger Christopher said:

    I hope you are well. I wish I had better words at this point but my thoughts are with you.

  1. Blogger Pat Paulk said:

    Cathy, my words are inadequate at best, but know my thoughts and prayers are with you, and your family.

  1. Blogger holy chaos said:

    hey cathy,
    this is natalie or holychaos from sophie's blog.

    i hope you don't mind me posting, but i just wanted you to knowthat i am praying for you, for peace,wisdom, and healing and your family.

    peace,
    natalie

  1. Blogger Mahala said:

    I don't have any words of wisdom here. I just wanted to let you know that you're in my prayers. I don't have any brothers or sisters so I can't really know what you're going through.

  1. Blogger Stephanie said:

    Sorry to hear this news.

    Sometimes the hardest thing to do "be there." Even if it feels futile, and activity of some sort, any sort would feel more productive to you, sometimes just reminding the people that you are there for them, and will stubbornly KEEP being there, and will keep listening for and answering the calls for help, despite their best efforts to push you away means more than you can imagine.

  1. Blogger HORIZON said:

    Sounds like you've done everything you could Cathy, for the moment anyway. l can hear that you feel deflated- anyone in your position would.
    There is not much that l can say to help your situation but at least know that l am thinking of you and hoping things will take a turn for the better. It would also be nice if it would stay that way for your brother and your family.
    Best for now :)

  1. Blogger PEA said:

    Cathy, I know what it's like to want to help someone so badly but when they don't want that help, there's not much you can do except just let them know whenever they DO need you, you'll be there for them. It's heartbreaking to see what's happening and the most helpless feeling to know there's nothing more you can do. You are all in my prayers!

  1. Blogger DayByDay4-2Day said:

    It's times like this that I wish I had just the right words that you want ot hear. SOrry all I have is a cybor hug

    ((((hug))))

  1. Blogger Ben Heller said:

    If the doctors realise that his wife is feeding his negativity, hopefully they'll make the neccessary steps to intervene.

    I understand it's virtually impossible for you and yours to have any effect whilst she is standing as a barrier, emotionally blocking any positive interaction.

    I wonder what her family think ?

    Don't give up Cathy, I know it's hard. Maybe pestering the doctors to act for them both could be the only way out of this terrible time for you all.

  1. Blogger Stephanie said:

    Cathy, I'm so very sorry that you and your family are going through this. I wish you much strength, love and courage right now.

    I think Ben has a point in that maybe if your brother's carers were aware of his wife's mental state then perhaps they may be able to offer some support to her as well. It's a team effort at the best of times and it sounds like she's going to need some support of her own if she is to be able to help your brother.

  1. Blogger Devil Mood said:

    Oh I'm so sorry it didn't go as well as it could have...We know that you've really being trying your best and you've been brilliant at it. But I think you're right, you should probably respect what he asked for, though I can see how heartbreaking that is. Oh, I really wish I could help...I understand how tied down and limited you must feel right now.

  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    The pscychiatrist told my brother and his wife everything; that we think that she is part of his problem, and now his wife hates us (well, who cares about that...) but my brother wants no more to do with us.
    My poor mother is devastated. This is so hard on us all....we just wish that someone would help us; help us all.

  1. Blogger SkyeBlue2U said:

    Your in my prayers daily.

  1. Blogger Stephanie said:

    I don't know what to say except that you all are in my thoughts. *hugs*

  1. Blogger sjobs said:

    Cathy-I am thinking about you and praying for your family. I cannot imagine how it must of hurt to hear those words from your SIL.

    It is so hard watching those we love fall apart....

    Take care,

    Mary

  1. Blogger Heidi said:

    This is so tragic and I'm so sorry..I can't even imagine what u all must be going through. Prayers and positive thoughts..Big Hug!

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