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Stress Balls and Bumbles

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tonight, I looked into the mirror and this is what I saw.

I am tense. It creeps in quickly. One minute I am happy and relaxed and then there it is; across the back of the neck and over the shoulders. What asks Mr. C, knowingly. I can not answer because I do not know myself. How can someone else figure me out when I can not. So I go to the great healer. The tub. Feel answers in the steam and bubbles. Except not tonight. It's still there. Nothing removed to remain like a ring on the tub. So I must think some more and I do and I am and this is what I have come up with...
Work is on my mind. I am juggling a job which has not officially begun again but which might as well have. I am balancing plates on my toes while juggling flaming torches in the air. I am dreading being away from the babe three days a week (although I really know all will be fine). Time is fleeing. Escaping my grasp. I can not hold on.

And then there is tomorrow. I must fire a grad student. Because I hired him. And he has not worked out. And Mr. C and I without a break. Ever. The parents today for one hour. Alone with the babe. I returned. They were hysterical. The babe cried. They thought he was dying. There is no reprieve. The irony of this move to be close to family astounds me.

And then there was tonight. I decided to make a gingerbread tree with the 4 year old. How stupid am I? In this mood I am in. But it was just borderline when we began. Perhaps that is what toppled me over.

No. The much overdue financial planning conversation. Might as well get it all over with in one night. I feel as though I need something desperately but I am not quite sure what it is. A stress ball would be good for starters. There are some nice Christmassy ones like these: fill my stocking, Mr. C...

  1. Blogger tim said:

    one of those "pull your hair out days"?
    sorry. those are the ones that i just throw in the towel. get a huge bowl of ice cream and go to bed early. when the tree bit the dust did you just call is a hedge or try to stand it up again? been away from your blog, glad to be reading it again and to see the photos.
    best, tim

  1. Blogger for_the_lonely said:

    It is no wonder that you are over the top with stress...I do not handle stress well at all..I just shut down, really...

    I hope that things get better for you. Enjoy another bath, even a chocolate bar...everything seems better with a hot bath and chocolate! :)

    You are loved!


  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    How nice to hear from you again!!

    I ate too much chocolate last night, so settled for pretzels tonight. Thanks for your sweet words. Blogland is a lovefest. You're loved too...:)

  1. Blogger momyblogR said:

    OK Girl. It's my turn. Come, sit and relax. Enjoy a glass of wine, while I whip up a culinary masterpiece, along with a dessert of your choice.

    After dinner, sit in front of the fire place with a little espresso and well, just SIT! lol.

    Feel better.

  1. Blogger Nancy said:

    Wow, such a hard day! Days are like that. Weeks are like that. Medication helps, but the stress is still there honey. Just do what you can do. Forget it if you think anybody is judging you. As long as you do your best, that is all you can do!

    I will never foget my cousin, who had two in high school and wanted another. She said it was the best. Because, she was older, and having a picked up house was not a priority! Things change when you are older. I just wish the younger moms knew that!

    You need to take care Cathy! I never had to leave my babies to go to work, but I know that has to be the hardest thing on earth. But my mother did it with me and my brothers, and we turned out okay!

    Hang in there! Especially this time of year.

  1. Blogger Chloe said:

    Cathy i know this feeling so well. Ultimately, what gives us stress is change. Change coming, might that be it for you? You stayed at home with the kids after you gave birth and now have to go back to work? And you are already busy as it is. And you love work but you wish there could be another arrangement so you could be creative and productive but not have to sacrifice so much?
    If this is the top reason that makes you irritable, this is what i have to say: you never know where life leads us, give it time, you'll see, in the end, it'll work out by itself. Sometimes we don't even have to make decisions.
    I say, enjoy the holiday season and tell yourself that you still have many choices. xx

  1. Blogger Michelle said:

    Ooooooo Cathy, i have a bunch of stress stars here i give to my clients (kids) who are giving their evidence in court. They seem to work for them...wish i were closer i'd give ou some :o)

  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    MomyBlogR, Nancy and Michelle;
    You have no idea how nice it was to read your comments this morning. Hugs to you all.

    My soul is aching and you put your finger on the pain. Exactly. I think we must be soul sisters of sorts. Either that or I am really transparent! Or you should be a therapist!
    Have a great day today.

  1. Blogger missbhavens said:

    Oh, Bumble! You have so much happening at once! Just let it all wash over you one at a time. Everything will right itself--sometimes with effort from you and sometimes all on it's own. You apply effort to each and every issue and it alllll slooowwwws dowwwwwn.

    Pick your "battles". Enjoy your holiday season with your family. Make more time for you.

  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    Wise sage. I will tell Bumble straight away.

  1. Blogger Stephanie said:

    Cathy - The photo is a perfect stress illustration. One stressful thing heaped on top of another makes for a very bad day. There is a kids book somehere called "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" Sounds like you had one of those, but is also sounds like Mr. C is there for you and that is a wonderful thing.

  1. Blogger Heidi said:

    Big Hugs {{{{{{ Cathy}}}..Add me to the "I can't handle stress well group" Hope things settle down for you.

    Ps..If u don't mind mentioning it on here what type of info would u be interested in..I go back on Sat. When u get your work email we will follow up on the rest.

  1. Blogger Chloe said:

    you are not transparent!
    everything else is true though!

  1. Blogger Cathy said:

    I haven't read the book but must.

    You really don't need to do this. Anything from other nations on emissions targets and strategies would be great, though. Or a compliation of references on climate change; I can liekely look most of this up on the internet, however, so no need to go out of your way.

    O.K. soul sister :)

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